Embracing My Wrinkles

So I read about this woman who hasn't laughed or smiled in forty years, even at the birth of her child. Not because she's depressed. Not because they told her to wipe the smile off her face at the Catholic school she attended as a girl. No. She made a conscious decision in her youth to keep emotions from her face because they caused wrinkles, trained herself to show no reactions. And at fifty her face, the story goes, does look surprisingly young.

But, really, are we as women that worried about wrinkles?

Yes, we are. So worried the New York Times did "an in-depth report" on the subject. So worried we inject ourselves, lift our skin and slather our faces with products touted to smooth out those creases, plump up that aging, drying skin. And globally we spend a trillion dollars or so on treatments and anti-aging products even though over and over we're told the cost isn't worth it and the sales pitches are often lies.

And it's not just our faces. There's even a bra women can wear to bed that combats cleavage wrinkles in their sleep.

On the face of it, women look like dupes. But can we be blamed? While men with wrinkles still seem vital and even attractive, wrinkled women seem plain old and used-up. I remember a friend saying that after menopause women just dry up. That horrifying image stayed with me.

Is it any wonder that the sickly-sweet saying, "wrinkles should merely indicate were smiles have been," came from a man, Mark Twain?

Is it any less of a wonder that women try to diminish, eradicate and cover up our wrinkles.We may be the generation that breaks stereotypes of aging but the marketers will be able to play on women's insecurities about wrinkles for some time yet. I'm smart enough to know there really isn't much I can do to slow time but my bathroom drawer is full of creams and serums nonetheless. I buy into those exaggerated sales pitches all the time, hoping someone, this time, has found the magic elixir.

Grey hair I am learning to accept. But wrinkles. I still can't get there.

There are, of course a limited number of practical steps we can take to keep our faces smooth - stop smoking (easy for me: I never really smoked), drink lots of water (I like water) and stay out of the sun (harder: I like the feel of sun on my skin and sometimes find sunscreens irritating.)

But where my love of life trumps my vanity is at the idea I would stop laughing and smiling. Good God. What would be the point? So I say thanks to the woman who never smiled or laughed. Maybe by laughing out loud at her I'm taking my first step to acceptance.

While I learn to love me wrinkles, to see them as Mark Twain saw his I'm not above taking joy at the story that scientists have developed a chocolate that will make my skin look younger. Eating chocolate sounds just about right: if it doesn't make me look younger at least it will improve my mood. D

Paying Attention: Vital and Hard to do

A while back I wrote about how things that matter take time, take energy. It goes without saying, or does it, that things that matter demand attention as well. And paying attention is more difficult than we realize, more complicated than expected and more connected to a meaningful life then we ever could have imagined.

The reality is that we don't really multi-task, we do one thing at a time and we switch from one thing to another. Each switch requires real physical energy in the brain and that is tiring and draining. As with any activity, the more energy you have the more you can do and unfortunately energy levels often correlate with age. So maybe in your thirties you could juggle more things than you can in your fifties. The key here, as with many things, is to calm down and keep perspective. Luckily perspective is out there.

Daniel Levitin, neuroscientist and musician at McGill University, knows a lot about how the mind works and first hit the big time as an 'Academic Superstar' with his popular science books and articles on the brain and music. His latest work on making sense of thinking in a world of information overload is smart, clear and a good overview of how our lives have changed with the explosion of information and stimuli that we now all experience daily.

But Levitin is interested in doing more than just explain. Ever since the book was published he's been on the road and on the net trying to explain to people how to take control of their attention. He likes to talk about experiments done 50 years ago and more recently about how many things we can 'keep in mind at once' and the reality is maybe 4, maybe 5. He uses a fantastic example. You are coming through the door, with mail, groceries, a coat to hang up and the keys in your hand. That's already five things and your phone rings. Something will go astray and if you are like me you will be cursing yourself about forgetting something as important as where you put your keys. You are not 'having a senior moment;' you are coping with reality.

I find the guy truly stimulating and comforting. His explanation of how the brain works is very accessible. His understanding of how to parse out the process of decision-making is simple to follow. His approach and perspective is something we could all use at every moment of our day.

He is worth checking out: as a great talk, as a good interview, as is a nice top ten tips. But check out his book as well. If we are going to be awash in information, it is good to make sure some of it is totally useful. P

Putting an End to This Winter

It is Easter Weekend and the weather is right on the edge of being truly spring and I am so anxious, so eager to be able to wander to my porch, my deck, a patio and simply enjoy a coffee with the sun beaming down and a light breeze messaging that winter is truly done.

When I was young I never understood the annual migration of 'snow-birds'. The idea that one would travel simply to escape weather, as opposed to exploring, discovering  or experiencing the unknown seemed strange and indulgent. Well, as they say, times change and opinions evolve. Over the past 15 years I have learned that knocking the heart out of winter somewhere warm is good for me, and not just because walking in snow and ice is a struggle. My body feels better, my mind relaxes, my mood soars at the feel of warmth in icy January or freezing February.

About a decade ago, Debi and I travelled to Death Valley from Toronto in March. It was bitterly cold at home but about 80 degrees Fahrenheit in Las Vegas. We picked up our rental car and headed to a Traders' Joe for supplies before heading out to the desert. We saw a Starbucks and stopped for a coffee. We sat outside with no coats and sighed heavily as we drank our tall bolds. I was hooked. And it is an addiction I never want to escape. Ever since that coffee epiphany, we have tried to ensure that some of the winter is simply escaped, and it has been worth every penny to do so.

Last weekend, we were at a winery and one of the wine makers was talking about how brutal February had been on the vines. The temperature at one point at reached minus 29 and some vineyards lost nearly 60 % of their vines. He looked at us and said grape vines were never intended to experience minus 29...we looked at each other and we both knew that humans were never meant to either and these two humans would do everything in their power not to.

The Niagara Escarpment is starting to look fuzzy from a distance, a sure sign that the trees are starting to bud, most of the snow is gone, grass is greening and there is a sense of nature stirring. We are heavily into talk about trees to plant and plants to dig up. We try to live in the moment. We do. Revelling in the unfolding of spring and summer is the priority but I am no fool. The year is cyclical, winter will return and so, a few minutes at the end of each day are spent contemplating and planning where we will be next February.